Positive Intelligence: Get your mind right
Asshats, habits and struggles. OH MY!
Not sure if you know, or are interested in, but there’s this book club I started late last year. The Resiliency Book Club. The purpose is to read… duh, right? :)
Yes… AND…. (strategically placed reference explained later, so keep reading)
The purpose is to expand the mind in ways that traditional leadership books may not touch upon. I love the ideas and the techniques provided in many of them, but the thing I love the most is when we are given the science and the understanding of how our brains actually work. My inner geeky girl totally geeks out!
Considering we have developed so many of our coping mechanisms and thought processes in childhood, I especially adore the books that address this particular programming.
Books that make us question any and all of our experiences, ideas, beliefs and teach us how to alter, adjust or transform (pick the word you prefer) and how we filter, act, and interact with the world around us.
So let’s talk about Positive Intelligence and why I found it so….. Mind-blowingly AMAZING!
Well, first, let me say that while I love to motivate and inspire through speaking engagements and workshops, I realize that of the people who attend, only a small portion of them will make any long term changes to their thoughts and behaviors.
No matter who or what changes, motivational speakers and facilitators are usually addressing the symptoms and hoping we’re creating the level of awareness needed for those people to tackle the root cause of what they want to change.
Enter: Positive Intelligence!
Now let’s talk about why I found it so magnificent!
This is exactly the kind of book the Resiliency Book Club was meant to share!
Shirzad Chamine is the author of this book as well as a speaker and coach. He understands that in order to have lasting success on our change journey, we must first understand what he refers to as our Operating System. You might call it inner critic, shadow side, or anchored beliefs. We can all agree that it’s the root of our thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
Saboteur vs Sage
Shirzad has identified 10 types of saboteurs and has described them as ‘…a set of automatic and habitual mind patterns, each with its own voice, beliefs, and assumptions that work against your best interest.’
I couldn’t agree more!
Let’s talk about them. And if you’d like to know more about your internal derailment gurus, head over here and take the assessment.
Judge
This guy is the leader of all. We all have this dude lurking around waiting to find the perfect time to point out all the faults. Not just our own, but EVERYONE’S, and the circumstances. If you’re feeling any of these things: anxiety, stress, anger, disappointment, shame, or guilt, say hello to your little Judge.
Have you called yourself lazy anytime in the past few weeks? Judge.
Feel as though you should be further along in your business or up the corporate ladder? Judge.
You get the idea. S/he’s at the top, directing, pointing fingers and berating the entirety of your world. Dick….
Avoider
Extreme positivity and ignorer of anything unpleasant, difficult or with conflict-potential. The one that does that thing… You know, the we’ll-do-it-tomorrow thing… PROCRASTINATION! Yes!
Convinced you’re taking the high road? Avoider
Side note: I can say with 100% certainty that this one is the reason my house isn’t spotless during our social distancing….. Damnit
Controller
You might have Controller tendencies if you believe you can get the people around you to achieve at their highest level, or bend their will to yours, whatever.
If people start to act like they resent you, or you find yourself ‘just doing it, all of it, all the time because…control’ then you might have a high controller in your head.
Impatient often? Controller
Hyper-Achiever
Are you goal focused? Like, super focused on goals and reaching every single one you set?
Do you have a higher level of self-respect and self-validation only when you have succeeded in accomplishing those goals?
If the answer is yes, then know that external success is an addiction you have and is unsustainable. Yes, I said not sustainable. Despite the track record you’re currently tallying in your head right now.
This one tells you that your value is conditional on performance and keeps you from knowing a deeper level of emotion and internal happiness. You might be convinced that it’s ‘worked so far’ and if you keep measuring what works only about reaching goals, then you’re right.
When you’re ready to unconditionally accept yourself and love yourself despite external factors, then let’s talk. Internal happiness and peace are a magnificent feeling and yet, it’s still possible to set and achieve goals… huh… Crazy talk she says…
Hyper-Rational
Rationality involves less emotion and more logical thought processes. Emotions prohibit logic and reason and therefore test the patience of people who have this saboteur high on the list.
Do you get annoyed easily with other peoples’ emotions?
Have you been told you come off as cold, distant or arrogant?
If you believe your ability to reason and be logical in most situations is the most important and helpful form of intelligence you have, you are likely Hyper-Rational.
Psst… emotions are good and it’s ok to have/use them. I tell no lies.
Hyper-Vigilant
Danger! Danger, Will Robinson! (Anyone else love the remake? Yeah, Girl!)
Seriously though, if your brain is telling you that everything is dangerous and you have to ABP (Always Be Prepared), we have a solution for that too.
Your what-if game is strong, and while beneficial to a certain extent, the intense and continuous anxiety you are feeling and the stress it’s causing you in order to be prepared is far more dangerous to you in the long run.
Pleaser
I know what you’re gonna say about this. You do the things you do for others because it’s nice and good and kind and you enjoy it, and all of that is probably true. When you start, or recognize, you are doing it at your expense or because it’s getting you affection and/or acceptance, that’s when there’s a problem.
Are you doing the work of others at work?
When did you stop doing what you enjoy and what you need for you?
Have you reached the stage of resentment yet?
This is where “everything in moderation” would best apply. There is such a thing as giving of yourself too much. Boundaries are your friend, let’s implement a couple and see how it feels….
Restless
If this statement describes you…. “I never know what you’re doing, you’re involved in so many things, how do you keep it all straight?”
Ok, statement/question… let’s not get caught up in the details.… :)
And if you believe you are living your best life because of all the things you are involved in or jumping into, do you think there is a chance you might be missing out on a full life? Busy is perpetual for you. Contentment isn’t a natural feeling because you have a never ending stream of distraction.
This does not allow focus. Relationships suffer because keeping up with you is difficult, as is a certain level of closeness and connection.
Or, if you’re like me, maybe you’re restless because you don’t have a certain level of closeness and connection and you’re filling a void and your time in order to feel connected to something. (oops, was that out loud?)
Stickler
This article has likely, on some level, really bothered you. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you stopped reading before this description. I get it, I don’t follow the rules like you do…
Perfection. Order. Organization.
What are three things a Stickler LOVES, for 200 Alex…
Constant frustration; with self and others. Unnecessary effort. Anxious/uptight.
What are the three things a Stickler feels often, for 1000 Alex…
I may not follow the rules, but I bet you feel some kinda way about how accurately these are describing you. Not to mention, humor makes the medicine go down, or is it sugar?
Victim
Ah… The Victim. Convinced that nothing is your fault and everything is out of your control. Powerless to the circumstances and the best way to get attention and affection. You are my favorite. You have the best Aha moments and the best transformations.
There is hope, if you want it, but it involves empowering yourself in a way that will be the most uncomfortable and yet the most rewarding.
Well, that was a little uncomfortable. Maybe a little to close to home for some of us? Remember, I’m the messenger and there’s a reason I’m writing this during a time when we’re physically distanced from each other. (because I just finished reading the book and I have nothing else to do, silly!)
Moving on now.
We start with the personas because when we start to build up our Sage we need to understand how they work so we can recognize when they try to take over.
And all these little asshats will do their best to convince you they are not only right, but your best damn friend with only your best interests in mind.
Liars. The lot of ‘em.
The Sage
The Sage has lived in your head and has been waiting for the day you truly accept its wisdom. It’s the part that can rise above the crap and resist the drama. The Sage’s perspective is gift and/or opportunity in all situations.
There are five ways you can use The Sage.
- Exploring: Ask all the questions with an open mind and with curiosity
- Empathize: Approach people and situations with compassion and understanding
- Innovate: Create new perspectives and solutions (poorly referenced point found!)
- Navigate: Choose paths based on your internal compass.
- Activate: Take the damn step. Just do it.
The thing about the Sage, you really do believe you can empower it, we’re just hard-wired to see and accept the negative in almost all things. So long as it pertains to ourselves. Funny how we can totally help another person recognize, and even encourage the use of, their Sage.
Of course, this is incredibly simplified, it’s an article, not a coaching session.
The bottom line is, if you want to feel less stressed, less attached to the outcomes, and get more cowbell out of life, then work on improving your mental fitness and your Positive Intelligence Quotient (PQ). It will help you truly become more resilient in everything you do. Start with reading this book. And hire me. Or at least someone who can call you out on your old ways and stories….
You get me, Shirzad. You get us all! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and your journey.
Again, if you want to take the Saboteur test, go here. If you want to buy the book, you have options, but here’s my affiliate link if you want to help a local book store… https://bookshop.org/shop/ResiliencyBookClub
Would love to have you join us for the book club!
“Nothing is good or bad, thinking makes it so.” Shakespeare
My favorite quote. No matter what happens to us in life, we decide what is good, what is bad, what stays and what goes.
As a Resiliency Coach, my goal is to help small business owners, executives and teams acknowledge and adjust their thoughts, behaviors and actions to recover quickly from life’s setbacks, both personally and professionally. We’re humans and it’s time to embrace all aspects of ourselves
To work with me, or schedule a consult, visit me at RinaJensen.com
